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Venus in Capricorn: Vintage Heart

I’ve written a brief post about Venus in Capricorn before, but never a serious one (although Venus in Capricorn folks have taken it all with much somber seriousness). So here is the thing: There is a very high chance that if your Venus is in Capricorn, it is conjunct Uranus and Neptune. Hence it has a unique expression to anything you will read online. However, even if your Venus is adjusted by the expression of outer planets and other interesting factors- it is still ruled by Saturn.
This means your Venus is like a wine that gets finer with age. It is also a Venus that seeks mastery in various forms and this also applies to personal relationships. Your Venus wants to learn what structures, values and principles can best support achieving harmonious relationships and the pleasures of life. For you see, this is an indulgent position (followed only by Venus in Leo and Taurus)! Venus in Capricorn has a natural inclination towards structure (Saturn) and luxury (Venus). They, therefore, value anything that is well made and prefer quality over quantity. They can enjoy anything vintage because Saturn rules the past and tradition. In the past, things were made with great attention to durability, functionality, and quality. The preference for practicality and quality would be evident in the choices you make. Curiously, many Venus in Capricorn natives are skilled collectors of bags, shoes, vintage jewelry, historical artifacts and even furniture. At the same time, others may have a good feel for buying property that can become valuable over time. Home design and architecture are also popular careers for this Venus because they require long-term effort with material evidence to support the hard work. There is a general preference of this Venus to want to master something and achieve durability. This preference tends to color how Venus in Capricorn views their career, personal relationships and even their body. For example, some Venus in Capricorn natives turn their own body into the prime project of effort with varying in results. They can work out at the gym or go to various extremes to strengthen and perfect their physical abilities. Things go bad when this Venus is not oriented on self-mastery but instead seeks the approval of society. In fact, the biggest issue with Venus in Capricorn is attempting to gain social approval and status through their hard work or appearance. Saturn likes social status and authority and the natives naturally gravitate towards achieving power via their hard work. This makes them very dedicated to master skills and to better themselves but it can come at a price. It is important they know they are valuable regardless of social approval. A healthy Capricorn Venus develops skills and a distinct personal style that is above other people’s approval. They just want to be good at what they do so they can respect themselves and sleep at night. They want to live life as their own boss and without anyone telling them what to do. They can motivate themselves to work hard without a boss standing over their shoulder. In contrast, an unhealthy Venus in Capricorn can work itself into complete exhaustion and be troubled by constant performance anxiety. They will always seek the approval of authority figures to tell them they are worthy and beautiful. The most important thing is for them to develop independent values that shape their choices so that they are less likely to allow other people to define their worth. Success is something they want and are skilled at achieving and they need to trust they have what it takes to live life on their own terms. For you see: they are actually very stoic, independent and individualistic. Saturn is a mature planet and it can be very liberating. Yes! I said Saturn and liberating in the same sentence…But there is freedom in timelessness. The Venus in Capricorn can orient itself only on that which has been proven to be good and worthy over time…And develop a unique taste for life in the process. It won’t care as much what anyone else considers beautiful (unless it is insecure). Beauty would become that which is righteous and good! Morality becomes beautiful. A certain spirituality is indicated for this Venus because it values responsibility and action. This Venus would have a graceful disposition born from long-term cultivation of their own personality. They will polish their Self into the perfect timeless diamond until only the most beautiful parts remain. They need to respect themselves and to respect you.

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 

― From Venus in Capricorn Fyodor Dostoevsky, 

In romantic relationships, Venus in Capricorn is all about long-term effort, durability, loyalty and investment. It tends to view people through the principle of value. When this principle is applied to relationships, the result is a person loyal to the people they find valuable or important regardless of whether the relationship seems fruitful or pleasurable. This can result in the Venus in Capricorn native staying in relationships that don’t serve them because they believe in the long and hard climb towards success. They can become too focused on a person’s future potential and invest too much time and effort into someone who is not good for them. They tend to find ambition very attractive but it can blind them from seeing the person is all talk and no action. That is if they are not too wounded by previous romantic relationships to the point of avoiding anyone who doesn’t meet a pre-set list of requirements. I personally think having a set of standards I good for this Venus- they should be clear about their expectations and not waste their time. So, what does Venus in Capricorn really enjoy and want? As with everything, they will gravitate towards a “quality” person. A person that has proven their skill or effort professionally is likely o be attractive. They are also very attracted to someone who can nurture them and help them relax after all their efforts. This is because of the principle of Cancer, the opposite sign to Capricorn. They want someone who is warm, can create a cozy atmosphere and nurture them. Nurture can come through, answering their physical needs or just offering general safety. A person who becomes their home is what they secretly crave. They are also very attracted to the idea of partnering with someone to build something lasting- be it a home, a family or a business. But it can time to win them over completely. Their stoic and independent nature can make them avoid jumping into anything that has not been proven yet but if the person is consistent and genuine, they will melt. You will see them enjoy the pleasures of a luxurious and enjoyable life that is the reward for all their efforts. They will love it if their partner seems very capable in some area. Better yet, if the person is not trying to show off and is just genuinely capable. Like all Earth Venus placements, there is a preference for authenticity over showmanship. Unless you are showing them off- they do enjoy your pride in them tremendously.
They don’t want something that glitters but something that lasts. That doesn’t mean they are not terribly romantic at heart because they do believe in creating something out of nothing and that requires a certain romantic streak- to believe that it is possible to build an empire out of thin air with the person you love is not for the faint of heart! They could have a fantasy of being kings or queens sitting at the throne with their loved one. They would find the image very attractive and something to strive for even if it requires great sacrifice. They want to build an empire and they want you to show them what skills you bring to the table to achieve this. Don’t try and impress them with words but with actions. Men with this placement would gravitate towards women who appear professional or have social status. for example, women who are natural-born socialites or even famous for an achievement. You often see them gravitate towards Leo or Libra women for this reason. Saturn also rules the bones so they tend to like thin and tall-looking women with sharp cheekbones. Women with this placement tend to embody the above-described archetype- they tend to be stylish, with a no-nonsense approach and a captivating air of authority. They can appear very formal or very laid back but usually have a good eye for expensive quality things or bargains. Some women become whatever society wants to see instead of developing the delicate personal style that this Venus is capable of.

The higher octave of Venus in Capricorn is all about giving structure to love so that it can flourish. The person would value self-improvement as a lifestyle and want to have relationships with people who can support that goal. These people are romantics at heart because they focus on improving their ability to love and be loved- they see it as a life project worthy of their ambition. They also tend to view love as something that is not about just them but part of social responsibility. For example, they can consider how their relationships relate to what their grandparents had to go through or how it will impact their future children. They can feel that whatever they achieve matters so much more when relating to their ancestors, family, or children. As a result, they are responsible and can put their playful and mischievous side to rest for the greater goal. In turn, this would allow them to choose a romantic partner through a prism based on personal responsibility. Don’t let them fool you- they take you seriously so don’t break their vintage heart.

Hard Venus-Saturn natal aspects: Love unbound

If you have the square, conjunction and opposition of Venus and Saturn in your natal chart this article is for you.

These aspects differ in flavor and outcome but have a common theme that is important to acknowledge. What actually happens is that if you have these aspects you are a person that is very affectionate and caring about other people and you take your relationships VERY seriously. The problem is that for whatever reason usually stemming from how you grew up and your early social experiences related to what you value and your self-esteem you tend to kind of have misplaced affection.

You tend to withdraw from the other person you love just when the relationship starts to open up and actually offer you intimacy and connection. When the relationship becomes intimate you experience a sense of fear that this relationship needs to follow the RULES or you can’t follow your heart.

You really desire solid, good, reliable and loyal relationships. You care a lot and have a strong sense of what is right and wrong in society. You have very good ethics and ideas about how relationships should be like to be considered “good”, anything that is below that standard you won’t commit to.

You can have many relationships in your life that don’t fit the rules but you will never marry or commit fully unless they fit your idea of what is “right”. The sad truth is it is really a way of thinking is something you cling to because it is masking and hiding your own sense of VULNERABILITY.

These ideas you hold about relationships having to follow steps, stages, rules, morals is really a mechanism you developed over time to protect yourself.

You just don’t like fully marching into something that in fact really be good for you. You learned as a child and as a teen from several probably shaking experiences that connection to other people is at times scarring. You wanted to connect but it was blocked or someone to said you had to be a certain way to receive it.

Maybe you had to act like a responsible adult or maybe you just had to follow the rules someone else made to deserve the love you wanted. The giving from other people was blocked and so you learned love and care is conditional. You started to believe only if you followed a certain path you would deserve love. As an adult you now believe you need to hold a high standard for yourself and other people. The exact reason or way this showed in your life would depend on the signs and houses of Saturn and Venus.

Generally speaking, you have this sense of “I’m not good enough”. You may believe that only when or if you reach some goal you can start having the relationship you dream of.

“I’m not good enough until I…Have a career”

“I’m not good enough until I…Look better”

“I’m not good enough until I…Prove my talents”

There is always a reason why you or the other person is not good enough to fully open up your heart. The tricky thing with this aspect is that often you can become just us blocking towards others who want to get closer to you. Secretly you are deeply hurt or angry about how you were treated. Often times, you have a great relationship with someone especially if other indicator in your natal chart point to that until that person wants to fully hug you, love you and care for you and suddenly you recoil because the hurt part of you wakes up. That fear makes you start thinking how that person might actually not be trustworthy or “up to the standard”. This is your mind trying to protect you from what it remembered caused it pain.

I am not saying you shouldn’t have standards and protect yourself but if a relationship has proved itself over time to be good and loyal don’t let those thoughts take over. If you start thinking that your partner needs to prove themselves to you or follow some formal behavior that is SATURN at work.

The truth is no one will ever find love safe because love needs vulnerability.

Is it worth the risk?

YES

I don’t think you should change who you are. I do think you should be aware of why patterns in your relationships repeat. The good side of hard Venus-Saturn aspects is that you are very capable of having high quality relationships that are long lasting and loyal.

I should also mention that often this can manifest in you choosing very irresponsible people who would eventually reject you or not want to commit. It is important to strike a balance between standards and an open heart.

Wrong person for a Venus-Saturn native: Irresponsible, childish, fearing commitment, lacking morals or goals.

If you find yourself choosing immature people who you need to treat like a parent or a boss this means you are trying to heal your own trauma and you still believe you are not good enough. Someone who can make you feel safe and you can rely on would help you make the best of this aspect.

I want to end this article by saying I don’t agree with Astrologers who say these aspects suggests you will always stay alone. It is true you can marry later in life or take time to do it. You may feel you need to wait or accomplish something in life first and that is okay. The important thing is to value yourself not for what you accomplish or only when other people say you are worthy.

YOU ARE WORTHY RIGHT NOW

Pluto opposite Venus in Synastry: Beauty and the Beast

This aspect in Synastry tends to bind people together with an interesting effect. Because it is an opposition, it can often swing between different extremes; between enlightened love (Venus) and fear of vulnerability (Pluto). The emotional roller-coaster tends to bind the couple together because “we have been through so much and we are still here.” This is a typical syndrome for better and for worse.

This is a couple that together can learn a lot about being vulnerable and looking their biggest fears in the face. The Venus person learns that their love is valuable and can heal the pain and fear of the Pluto person. The Pluto person learns that love is not a weakness and over time becomes more protective, gentle and caring towards the Venus person. It is also true that the Venus person can act more Plutonian over time because they learn that the Pluto partner does not always respect “softness”. The real key lesson here for Venus is not to fall prey to this scenario and still stand by their values. If Venus allows the Pluto person to dominate them in the relationship, they will in effect only escalate the bad behavior of Pluto. Venus must stand strong in its conviction that is it lovable and beautiful no matter what.

Pluto who is secretly very deeply attracted and magnetized by this promise of true love will learn to open up and let go of controlling behaviors. Of course, a lot depends on the state of these planets in the natal charts of the individuals. Nevertheless, even in relationships that don’t last long, both partners transform on a deep level and learn a lot about what love means to them.

I should also add that these relationships tend to be very compulsive in the early stages. The couple knows that something unique and deep is at play but they can’t articulate it. They might feel that there is a potential for something powerful. Venus can feel that a great deal of protection, devotion and care is possible, while Pluto might feel that finally they can share their dark side with someone who won’t run away. This is also one of those aspects that like wine gets better with time. So if you are struggling I would suggest both partners take a step back and ask themselves what they value in the other person. Sometimes the intensity of this connection can be too overwhelming so being able to take time apart is important.

People with natal Pluto aspects would find it more familiar (not easier) to deal with this opposition. The Pluto person is going to struggle with their worst nature coming into play, even if normally they are the sweetest person around. Venus knows how to push the buttons of Pluto too! The magical charm of Venus is often very self-indulgent and not always willing to go into the deep dark waters of Pluto. Pluto mostly struggles with a lot of old baggage and fears that don’t relate to the actual relationship.

At the end of the day, this aspect requires a lot of self-honesty so that both partners don’t misuse the power they hold over each other. The reward is a truly intimate relationship that is strong like an armor. A couple that manages this aspect in a constructive way can withstand struggles and anything thrown at them and still stay together. I would note, that it is important that this couple doesn’t only stay together because of the difficulties they survived or the amazing sexual connection. The Synastry chart must have some additional aspects that allow space for fun, play and softness. We are all vulnerable and sometimes it is alright to not go into our pain and take a break. My last suggestion is that the couple openly talk about their fears so they don’t simmer under the surface and erupt into struggles later. Overall, this aspect is very passionate, intimate and healing.

Uranus conjunct Venus in Synastry

A conjunction is a very powerful aspect between two charts- it is a real meeting of two forces between people that blend into something new. It is not an easy aspect but one that is very strong and can paint a relationship more vividly than any easy aspect.

Uranus is foremost a collective planet of ideas for a better future and when meeting another person’s Venus it creates a ripple effect of opening up new possibilities. The person who feels it first is the Venus person, they feel like they stepped into a new reality where former rules don’t apply. It makes them step away from old notions about love, dating and sexuality. What they value becomes insignificant against the force of attraction they feel towards the Uranus person. It is not a heavy feeling but one of excitement and renewal. They become charged with new dreams for the feature and start seeing love as something much more pure and simple. This feeling can be frightening because it is sudden and electric but it can also be very uplifting and inspiring. The Uranus person makes the Venus person reconsider their choices and what they value in relationships because now they see those old standards are not needed for love to happen.

The Uranus person in turn, feels that their own unique perspective and higher mind is being appreciated by the Venus person. They feel that they have something good to offer and that in turn, inspired them to open up and develop their own Uranian side- making hopes for a better feature, puzzling out problems and finding generosity beyond ego. This is not an emotional aspects but one that can create a lot of energy that makes a new relationship worth the effort and time. Both people feel like they were baptized in a fresh lake of water and came out with new strength to face the world. 

It is a great aspect if one of both people want to channel this energy into their creative work. Artists, musicians and even scientists can benefit from this new perspective that is achieved. Even if both people are otherwise incompatible, they can gain a lot from a short interaction as they cross each others path. This is a great aspect to have if you want the person you date to help you do what you once feared. It is very easygoing but also high minded because both people don’t demand anything from the other. Instead, they bask in the light this energy omits and can appreciate what each has to offer. The Venus person offers something warm and concrete to the Uranus person who starts feeling they have a container of safety in this connection in which to grow and develop their own individuality, creativity and idealism. The Venus person feels that their tastes become more flexible, they start trying new things, new styles, new foods, new art- all as a result of having a more vivid perception of reality. They start wanting to touch, steel and see something that before seemed gray. The world is painted in colors that are enchanting and new- when they meet the Uranus person. 

I think the Venus person has a healing effect on the Uranus person. They make them feel that they are being understood and appreciated for who they are in a very open way. The Venus person simply feels that they are getting to know a new side to how they love and what they want from other people.

The natal aspects matter a great deal to how this conjunction manifests. If for example, the Uranus person has  very challenging aspects nataly to their Uranus then the Venus person will be the one making them change. The Uranus person will feel all those challenges are being basked in warmth, love and acceptance. It might be a slower process of change and attraction that develops after some discomfort. It will not be the swift attraction the is usually associated with this aspect.

It is also possible that the Venus person will feel they are being pushed beyond their limits  and comfort zone. They may not be ready or want to experience life form a fresh set of values. They may feel threatened by the Uranus person and will fight for what thiner consider beautiful and valuable. Even in such a case, a strong feeling of no judgment and openness will prevail. They may fight against the effect of the Uranus person but without long lasting hard feelings. They will become more logical and less emotional in how they react to this situation. They will feel they can express what they value and love and the Uranus person will still accept it. Therefore, the instinct to fight and hate the Uranus person will simply die down into a slow simmer of good will and friendship.This aspect can be great between co-workers on some project or people doing humanitarian work together. Between romantic partners this aspect may allow them to never become bored with each other. They will bring something exciting into a life of routine of rising kids and paying bills. They manage together to make the most boring activity seem more fun and light. In this way it makes relationships last a long time. Yet the union  or marriage will have to be flexible to the various inner and outer changes. The Uranus person will hold the key and the Venus person will need to react. As various transits hit Uranus, the need to be flexible and to change up routines will manifest. Every time there will be a hard transit to Uranus the relationship will be shared up into a mess. Meanwhile, the Venus person will continue on a journey of developing their love nature as the only way to make this love survive.

This is ultimately an aspect that works for people that expect that a relationship is about growing together as individuals. Hopefully, if you have this aspect you are searching for this kind of connection. If the need for flexibility becomes too difficult is a good idea to be honest and open about it. Both the Uranus and Venus person will have a positive reaction towards openness in a relationship. They key is not to speak or react from a a place of emotional turmoil. Speak calmly and remember you are not being judged. This is a haven of acceptance and growth for both of you that is very special. 

Venus in Pisces

A sparkling fountain of dreams…Some of them broken others taking wing.

This is a truly enchanting natal placement if somewhat elusive. Venus strives to own beauty as it sees it, co-ruled by Taurus and Libra, the beauty of Venus is that of the sensual kind or the esthetic abstract ideal. 

Think…The scent of rich perfume (Taurus) or the glossy bottle holding it (Libra).

What would a Pisces Venus do with the bottle? It will hold the perfume bottle and admire it and then drop int on the ground and watch the shards of glass sparkle in the sun, musing about the brokenness of all beauty…You get the picture. 

Pisces is not about ownership but about letting go. Venus in Pisces appreciates what can not be captured or owned by regular means. It enjoys the elusive ideal that can’t be defined.

More than anything it enjoys atmosphere of enchantment and fantasy, This can be captured through artistic means like photography, music, poetry…Often something slightly dreamy and sad about it. Venus in Pisces enjoys the process of making the sensual and factual into something more- by elevating it into realms beyond the mundane. 

Because Pisces Venus is ruled by Neptune, the love life of these natives is often wrought with misunderstandings and broken hearts. If Neptune makes hard aspect to personal planets it can create a yearning for soul union that is too strong to be realized with any mortal human. 

Even if Neptune is well aspected in the chart, some elements of this story will sound familiar: Falling deeply in love, being disappointed, finding out it was all a lie…

On the other hand, this Venus is a true heart breaker itself. Why? Because the love it gives may at first be directed at one person but ultimately it is directed towards humanity, it is not a personal possessive kind of love. It doesn’t want to own another person or be owned in return. It may seek deep true love and connection, be generous and giving, but at some point it won’t feel right. 

If Venus in Pisces is not mature it can attempt to find all that “humanity” in one person. They may elevate the person they love to a godly status. Imagine living up to that! 

If it is mature, it will instead give love to the person they care about well still keeping some of their heart for their ideals and dreams. They may learn to balance soul-union with a healthy detachment. 

This Venus thrives in its ability to be somewhat detached. No matter how difficult things get it can find true joy and beauty in something higher.

The ability to elevate anything into a fantasy makes them talented artists and creators. They can make great filmmakers of example (Neptune rules filming) or even actors. Certainty, they are very compassionate and care a lot about people ( as long as it is not one person) so various professions that involve caring for the sick and needy suite them.

This Venus is a better placement for females- at least in current society. Venus in Pisces Males tend to want to rescue a female that has fallen from grace (have you seen Pretty Woman?) or they can stay bachelors for a long time as no woman fits their ideal of love. In a female chart it will give grace to the expression of affection.

I hope I managed to paint a picture of this Venus: It may create an enchanted forest- a true a dream of beauty but it always has its darkness. It is the kind of darkness like a siren: Enchanting but leading to a bottomless nowhere…

This charm works wonderfully in the realms of art and in it’s ability to inspire compassion in humankind. Yet, it stands somewhat alone and lonely within our world. The enchanted forrest can’t always stand the light of day. 

This is at the core of all Pisces Venus  needs – finding a concrete structure to support it. It can be done through embracing a spiritual path or joining in with something larger. For example, with a group of people working towards a common ideal. It will depend on the placement of Venus in the chart to see what path is best. 

The support is crucial as the dualism of Pisces can make it flow somewhere…but get to nowhere every time. 

This Venus is sensitive but can always move on to brighter waters. It is flexible like that…And always hopeful. In this sense, it is a very powerful placement and can survive emotional wounds time and again. 

Venus in the 7th house: Messengers of Love

Key: People who come with a social message of the divine in us all, love, beauty and goodness prevailing no matter what.

Types: Peaceful Hippie, (dangerous) cult leader, romantic filmmaker, the marriage counselor.

Challenges: developing confidence and independent identity.

Gifts: humor, charm, artistic skill, political activism through art.

Famous people with Venus in the 7th house: Charlie Chaplin, Marlin Manson, J. K Rowling, Russel Crow.

The 7th house is very important angle in any Birth Chart; it is also called the Descendent.

What happens when your Venus is in the 7th house?  To simplify, your sense of value, confidence and well-being becomes very dependent on other people.

Venus is strongly related to our sense of confidence and self-love. It shows how we love ourselves, our self-presentation to the world through artistic means such as style. It is also related to how popular we are socially and to the things we enjoy doing for pleasure. It is a very happy planet and can give insight into those areas of standing secure on our two feet (Taurus) and our movement in the world as we connect to other people (Libra).With Venus here, relationships take center stage and the desire for love is extensive.

It can go in two directions: You can be very popular and well received by other people or you can feel unloved and even hated. Sometimes even at the same time!

As a person you know how to express affection from a young age. Your warmth, sweetness and joy were your gifts. Depending on how you were raised you will deal this gift to the world. If parents were cold and did not respond to your love nature you will become ashamed and try and hide it. As a teenager your attractiveness will make it impossible to avoid dating so it is likely you came out of hiding. You will then learn that love was only to be found in romantic relationships or sexual intimacy. This version of Libra Venus uses its charm to attract other people and to not feel ashamed or alone. They do not feel real confidence in themselves and sometimes even feel guilty to be so gifted. These men and women chase a romantic dream of love- where they will be accepted and all will be ok. The love they lacked as children will finally be given to them. All they must do? Keep being charming, beautiful and to give people what they want.

Of course, this is true for any Venus! But the Libra Venus bases so much of Its self-esteem not on worldly achievement (10th house) creativity (5th house) or nurturing abilities (4th house) instead it is very much about having another person by their side.

It doesn’t matter to them that the relationship is not perfect or even broken. They feel fulfilled at having someone who can be their mirror and show them their positive traits.

Not to sound too gloomy, I think many Venus in Libra go through a phase of needing and wanting a relationship and there is nothing wrong with that. As long as it leads them to the higher developed version of this beautiful Venus.

You see, Venus in Libra gets to know itself through the love of other people. It needs to explore relationships of all kind: From friends to enemy’s, they need to experience the full rainbow of human interaction. it is their food for growth. They choose career that involve dealing with people or human relationships. They become experts on the topic and know how to solve people’s problems in this area. Why? Because they have so many problems in relationships! So they enjoy learning how to solve such things. Work out arguments, strengthen intimacy and harmony. They also enjoy watching human interaction unfold even from the side lines. So getting caught up in gossip, drama and strange stories is not uncommon. Turning their need into a career can be a smart move for them, because they can find rational and practical tools to deal with relationships. So studying counseling, law or drama is helpful.

Many Venus in Libra enjoy esthetics, especially if those involve social topics and human psychology. Those with artistic careers deal with human-relations and social issues in music, film and drama. It all leads back to their need to understand why love isn’t there for everyone. Why can’t everyone receive love equally? Why can’t we live in a society built on partnership?

These folks genuinely care about such questions and will spend their life figuring it out.

They are very charming and attractive and can use this understanding for good and bad. Many dictators and cult leaders have Venus in the 7th house. Their charm is a power that if they feel alone and misunderstood- they use as a weapon. If they grow away from that hurt they can instead inspire others to love who they are and accept that everyone is divine and beautiful in their own right.

You see, they are stronger than they appear because they their Venus means they would always find some sense of inner light eve when times are hard. They imply need to stop searching for it on the outside and look at what they bring to the table.

Usually, for this Venus how people treat them reflects their inner state. If they repress fear or anger they will receive it right away. The world is like a mirror to the process of their growth so paying attention to that- and understanding how it works can be healing.

In seeking a partner, they must be very careful that he relationship is fair. That both partners come in from similar values. Not uncommon for this Venus to step into a very unfair relationship. If well placed marriage is a very happy and romantic affair that gives them strength to fulfill all their goals in the world. In friendships they should try and have a wider circle of friends so they don’t get too stuck with one group of people. Ultimately developing a strong individual set of values that will carry them into a more stable and happy life. For that, exploring different places, people, relationships, philosophies of love- is needed. This quote sums it up perfectly:

“There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us,
it doesn’t behoove any of us to speak evil of the rest of us” said a Venus in Pisces in the 7th house Edgar Cayce.

 

Venus in Capricorn Revisited

A while ago I made a post about his Venus claiming it had bad taste. I do not take the fun out of that observation but clearly this does no justice to this placement or to understanding it.

I kept thinking back to this Venus in Capricorn, to the steady energy of people with this natal Venus. The way I like to consider Venus, is its relation to values and beauty in our lives. It is very much about how we express our love and joy to the world and what we consider worthy of our attention.

If you have Venus in Capricorn it means you have a highly developed love nature. That is because love for you is something to be earned. You were probably one of these kids who had to do something to receive affection- you had to perform in some way. In other words- love was hard work, not an easy flow you could just enjoy. As a result, as a grown up you have very high standards for what you need to do before you open yourself to love. This is also true about what you expect from others- they must go through gradual stages of effort to win your heart.

The key word is gradual, persistent and stable effort.  You can’t fully give or take warm sensuality, love or even friendship without these little efforts to lead you there.

You are very good at building a long-lasting relationship, and most of your connections are long lasting. At the same time you are just as good avoiding any connections if they are deemed unworthy to you.  If you feel the other person is not going to put in any effort or comply to the gradual steps in the relationship- you simply walk away, unattached. This might seem a bit cold to the outside perspective, but really it is your way to create love in life. You know you can’t have it any other way, and truthfully why should you?

The problem is, that at times it might be too easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance, of being single or staying a polite distance from others. Especially when young, Venus in Capricorn can avoid dating or serious relationships altogether. This is ironic considering they only want that type of relationship. They do have an inner ideal of a traditional, marriage or at the very least a long lasting partnership that is conventional enough. Take Miley Cyrus as an example- on and off again with one serious boyfriend she is now engaged to. After all the wild years she really wants that traditional marriage. This is true to Venus in Capricorn in that no matter how freedom loving the rest of the chart might seem- at some point they will simply want to settle down.

For you love is not a flashy thing, it is not made of huge promises or lavish luxuries. It is made out of small efforts, commitments and most importantly growth. Every relationship you have is about gradually getting better, stronger and more refined. You need to know that love is about climbing up somewhere towards a goal. This goal can be anything you decide but you must see it is moving to a higher point over time. If a relationship is good but it stays the same for years? You will feel you have failed somehow. This is unfortunate, as you might become cold towards a perfectly great partner. It is better you speak the goal out loud and find ways to work towards it together. Usually, it can be something small but it still means a lot to you.

Other than that, you are a warm lover who likes to take care of another person. You enjoy knowing you can put in efforts (work) to take your partner to their highest point. You are fine with being asked to do about anything- you will not shy away from any challenge. Unless, this is something you consider being a down grade.

For example, if the person you love asks for something you think is ugly, unworthy or simply will make them appear “lower” in some way. One man with Venus in Capricorn I knew, would  buy his girlfriend beautiful clothes, jewelry and perfume but when she asked for a pair of ripped jeans she liked- he would not but them- for him she will be downgrading her looks and he would not be party to that. This is of course one example, and his can play out on emotional levels. If she had a Venus in Capricorn she might simply avoid showing angry emotions in the relationship- instead choosing to walk out of the room. Again, this is really about keeping things classy.

Venus in Capricorn, is very particular about social norms, behaviors and appearances. Again we can go back to how they won over the adults in their lives- who gave them love when they acted polite, respectful or even like “little adults”. Parents to Venus in Capricorn should be aware of this and give their smart child some leeway to be wild, messy and silly.

Sexually speaking, Venus in Capricorn are very sensual (earth sign) they are not aggressive and they are very careful about what they do until they are sure if you like it. A lover who lets them go wild a bit is what they need- they need to lose control once in a while and to show their affection in a free fashion.

Now the pitfalls for you are many. To start with, you can as I said before become too focused on things you want and avoid deep relationships. You can also end up with someone who will manipulate you to work for them. I have many examples of this Venus being abused and staying for years- putting in more efforts the more the relationships fails. So you should avoid both extremes, of too much or too little.

A good partner for you is someone who enjoys being nurtured, who will make all the secret gentleness come out from under your controlled self. Who will make you want to touch and hug them, feed them and take care of their needs. This is someone who is not aggressive, who is sensitive and has sweetness about them, someone who enjoys and appreciates the small daily efforts and the larger vision of the relationship. Who has a good vision into the future and who doesn’t want huge romantic gestures taken from a movie set. You also need a partner with a head on their shoulders, who can think in a rational manner, avoid becoming too emotional and not irrupt into intense emotions.

This is basically someone with qualities that are a crossover of Cancer and Aquarius. So if you meet someone is both in need of what you can give but also not too dependent on you- you found a match.

Now, a bit on the gender differences of this Venus: If you are a Woman with Venus in Capricorn you give love the way this post describes. You put in effort, you act classy, and you take time with building the relationship to fit what you want. You are elegant and you don’t erupt with intense emotions. You know how to walk away with grace- unless you have worked so hard you will never walk away no matter how bad it gets.

If you are a man with Venus in Capricorn, you want an elegant, small boned partner who is hard working but also wise beyond their years. Who will take a more traditional role in in the relationship. You may not admit to it but you do want her to be a bit “crazy” on an emotional level and you do enjoy a sensitive partner who will allow you open up. You want a family, children and a nice house. And you want the house (metaphorical house) to get bigger every year.

Some other key points for this Venus:

Love has no price. You are worthy of love just as you are. You don’t need to way for what you want. It is okay not to have to ask for what you need. If someone doesn’t enjoy what you give- they never will and no amount of sweat is going to change that.

Quick post: Beyoncé BET Awards review

“Tryna rain, tryna rain on the thunder
Tell the storm I’m new

I’m telling these tears, “Go and fall away, fall away”
May the last one burn into flames”

Beyonce has her Moon in Scorpio and a strong Libra influence that allows her to express it in artistic and visual means that are still pleasing to the public.

So…Orginally this blog started with my own deep fascination with how popular media and music reflected individual birth charts to a T. The fascination hasn’t waned and so I would love to start posting some bits and pieces about pop culture in addition to the informative posts.

This year Beyonce has released her masterpiece of death and rebirth with Lemonade. A recent live performance of the track “Freedom” is just a prime example of everything Scorpio. The visual album tells us a story fo death and rebirth with strong undertones of jealousy and passion. Freedom is a culmination of all the suffering love brings. Scorpio goes through many deep painful emotions until it dies and is reborn again with new understanding.

Beyonce tells us that love does win and with her strong Libra (Venus) placements love is part of the story- but not really. Rather Lemonade is more a story of individual growth and finding the true self- out of the weak ashes is reborn  a strong woman. Sexuality is both the cause of pain- betrayal, possessiveness, and jealousy but also the redeeming power that allows Beyonce to be reborn as an all-powerful goddess with strong Venusian qualities.

Lemonade is a Venusian creation in that it uses images that serve as mirrors of her transformation into that new person. It is also a highly sensual experience full of texture, color merged sound and blunt sexuality. Sexuality that is both very very cultivated (Libra) artificial if you will.The kind where Beyonce has her hair all flowing and her makeup glowing as her curves light up the screen.  And very raw, natural feminine Beyonce  where her eyes (soul-Moon) let us see a more vulnerable side to her. The power of the feminine is a theme very present in all her music but here it takes a dark tone never seen before. Emotions are not meant to be pretty but they gain a new beauty in their service to the rebirth of the self.

In her recent 2016 BET Awards performance of Freedom, we see dancers glide across calm waters as Beyonce starts chanting away her prayer, gaining strength and conviction in her true path: freedom from darkness, freedom from dependence- freedom only gained through love. The kind of love that doesn’t ask you to shut your power away- instead the Scorpio love is a healing storm that burns all evil in it’s path and brings new life. Think about the final scene of Lemonade, it all ends with Blue Ivy, her daughter. Transformed, Beyonce can leave the demonic behind and come back to being a mother and a wife.

Scorpio Moon people go through this types of currents of change all their lives- finally, popular culture gives the rest of us a glimpse into these depths and the rewards of suffering. Beyonce wins and she takes us on a journey towards that triumph.

Analyzing the performance it is all rather straight forward and spectacular. The lighting casts the stage in burning orange and red – almost blood like but reminiscent to the colors of dawn and a new beginning. Red fog welcomes Beyonce and her tribe on stage to the sounds of drums. The crowd helps the ritual along as they step on stage. We first see Beyonce as a shadow cloaked in white light. As the light hits the stage, she and her tribe of dancers get ready for their battle for freedom. Their movements start to become wider and the water is disturbed into little puddles – the change has begun. Beyonce starts singing and as she gains momentum the water is turned into a wavy surface, much harder to control. Water like the Moon and like Scorpio is an emotional current and as such it needs to be surfed on- not controlled.  It seems to me the battle is won only when water stops to be that current danced on and rains starts falling in golden shimmers on top of Beyonce. Water is not a force from below- but from above it is able to wash away the past, the pain, the old self if you will. Washed clean the mistakes and sings bring out the freedom.

The water is still as the dancers glide- they are the spirits that would soon help the witch cast away her enemies. Waters are still and the goddess starts her song but when water rains down it is  a celebration. Therefore when Beyonce sings the verse: “Freedom! Freedom! I can’t move, Freedom, cut me loose!”  The dancers splash across the stage bringing together water from above and below into a new whole. The red light as mentioned before symbolizes both blood- life, birth but also  death- of the old self but perhaps a new beginning and dawn.

Is it beautiful? Or is it disturbing? You judge. Probably it is both and no one said it better: “Beauty is terror”- Donna Tartt. For that another post.

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Venus in the 8th house/Venus in Scorpio

“That amazing moment when you find out the truth”

Note: though this post describes the development of a Venus in the 8th house it greatly applies to people with charts that involve many/planets in the 8th and aspects to Pluto between the Sun and Venus

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How does Venus  translate in its opposite house of Scorpio?  Venus as you know, is ruled by Taurus- a strong sensual sign in some ways reminiscent of its opposite Scorpio. After all, both signs know what they want and value and they will do a lot to make sure they have it.  Venus is usually described as the planet of love and beauty, but in truth it is more the planet of values. It so happens that we value is: beauty, luxury and love. But where Venus is placed and how it is aspected will greatly differ in terms of what it is really about.  I would suggest that Venus is more about the sensual material things in life: from trips abroad to fashion, it is very much involved. In the 8th, these material things need to transform into the  spiritual.

The 8th house is a complicated house. I once described it as a dark cave or hole- and I stand by that. And as you know a dark cave or hole is dark only in contrast to all the light outside. If so, any planet in some hidden manner shines through in this house! It’s a complicated ordeal don’t get me wrong- but it’s not a negative one.  Then again it sure can be- as Venus is so sensual that it can be put to the test in a house that deals with other people’s money and sex. That said, let me describe this placement to the best of my ability.

Venus in the 8th development: 

Venus in the 8th house has a love problem- their lesson in life is to learn a full all-consuming spiritual love that lets go of power. These are people with a very rich emotional life- no matter if its good or bad they tend to value this intensity that makes them feel alive. This life is usually well hidden or obscured by all sorts of things so other people rarely know the extent of feeling that is there. A Venus in the 8th house was born with love emanating from them in waves- somewhat erotic or misunderstood most likely by them and their families. The type of reactions this Scorpio/8th house Venus arouses from people as children even is a bit freighting. People around them feel confronted with their own hidden needs and so they try to control or become controlled by the young 8th house Venus. The result is that extreme boundaries and issues of power and control are a major theme in any 8th house love life- on that a little  later.

How that plays out differs- a Leo 8th house Venus may be that kid that plays in theater or even dances while the Virgo Venus may become so strict with controlling themselves and their “wrong” emotions and urges  to the point of repression.  The key here is, that almost always their loving nature is not understood by others so much. Like Plutonian people they too can be labeled as dangerous, strange and wrong by parents and teachers or society. Why? They don’t know their own love nature and so they accept what other people tell them- that they are a little too intense and a little wild or maybe even crazy.

As teenagers, they naturally become most aware and awakened to their potential for emotional understanding- as they usually have a high intelligence in this regard, they know that things are complicated early on, and during this stage of life they become somewhat preoccupied with this range of emotions that can be labeled as “dark”.  It is common for them to be interested in anything the subculture had to offer as long as it is also somewhat beautiful in a broken or poetic kind of way. They want to learn and feel everything and therefore, keep finding themselves in situations that are a little extreme or overwhelming. They form relationships that offer them the experience of deep emotional intimacy.  The thing is that teenagers though prone to dramatic behaviors and mood swings, don’t always have the capacity for a relationship not based on superficial things that is so fully needed by the Venus in the 8th house. At first, they may try very hard to fit into those superficial roles- they do know how to style themselves in that way that makes them popular. After all they are so into the rebel counter culture. If they manage to find their place in that way that is great but chances are they will find most relationships lack the meaning and loyalty they so value.  It is during their teenage years they begin to reconsider all they learned as children about their ability to give and receive love.  By their love of rebel culture, they allow themselves not to control the intense urges for intimacy. You see- it is all just a tool for that end and most likely they don’t agree with the values of the counter- culture.  They simply use the fashion, music and rhetoric of a darker nature to allow some healthy self-expression.

The way this plays out greatly differs- some 8th house Venus teens allow the feelings to rise through art, books or even sports. They may hide in their room for hours writing suicidal poetry and listening to Gothic music. Others take a more risky road that involves going out into the world without protection- as protecting their heart is not going to allow them to delve deep into the human love they yearn to experience. Whether in fantasy or reality, most 8th house Venus has stormy teenage years that involved some major transformation as a result of a relationship or even a tragedy.

The mature 8th house Venus is a person that finally cultivated their attraction to the fatal with a high level of ability to give and receive erotic energy. The best way to illustrate this is by the stages described above. The first stage involved a denial of one’s ability to love and be loved in the way that as needed. Even if they were very loved by people- just not in  a way that felt good.  They may have learned that when they love another- be it a parent, brother or friends- it is wrong. They learned that they take too much- ask for too much and give something that others understand as erotic instead of pure. By erotic I mean it aroused some dark emotional currents in their loved ones and as a result they were deeply rejected or used- all this happens on some very invisible level and chances are it happens in the Venus 8th house person’s soul- which makes it a very real experience for them. This description is also true in some way about other planets in the 8th house and major aspects to Pluto (I wish to write a post just about that one day).

In addition to having some complicated emotional needs and a lot of lessons about being loved and loving others. Venus in the 8th house is greatly related with dealing with other people’s money and possessions. These people may not arouse other people to be nice to them but it arouses them to trust them with what they own. Interesting right? In part I believe that the great emotional needs they had translated into material and sensual needs- more easily answered!  Even if they grew up very poor they still knew how to find something or receive what they wanted from others- as long as it was material. The same intense and (sorry but it’s the best word) erotic energy they had allowed them to attract luxury into their lives. Luxury could mean just having a little more than those around them – so it always depends on that. I think that learning to use the same charm for unselfish means is the real lesson here.

They are very good with making something out of nothing and can really make money grow.  They are generally very good at attracting the luxury of this world as long as they don’t own it. For example, it’s not uncommon for them to work in charity organizations where they end up collecting the highest donations. Anything they touch with their senses becomes suddenly more valuable. This at times can be true of people – they can elevate someone’s status by being with them! In all cases they are a little behind the scenes and the success largely depends on how much of their emotions they invest.

This brings us to the topic of relationships and marriage. Here the genders should be separated. The women with the 8th house Venus need and want someone who can offer them a cocktail of intoxicating romance which at times is toxic.  What this drug looks like depends on the sign but in all cases a need for a special kind of intimacy is present.  They want someone who is strong enough to accept their love without fear- and be consumed by it. Someone they can trust not to use that against them in anyway. They learned that love is all or nothing- because when younger their love was either rejected and feared or accepted and abused. The best partner for them is someone who can appreciate what they offer while still being strong enough to not let all the passion and desire become too much- In other words someone who is capable of a soul bond but also of setting boundaries. Can you imagine someone like that? Strong enough to let go and keep it together at the same time, now that is magic.

Women here need to be very careful that they marry for the right reasons- as they may give up on the above ideal and settle for someone who is only socially powerful. They may confuse money and power with spiritual strength. As they naturally have that something about them that attracts powerful (controlling) people who just happen to be rich. I’m sorry to say but the low current of such placement tends to marry for money. Unlike the 10th house Venus it is not a real need- they don’t need the luxury they just need to feel protected enough to bond with another person.

Man with this Venus need a partner that is a little complex- someone who is mysterious. They too should be careful they marry or commit for the right reasons- they need to learn to be connected to their hearts desire even if it is hard to understand.

In conclusion, the Venus in the 8th house is that person who will transform themselves many times. They go through stages when all they can do is take from others- and moments of pure despair when one they give isn’t appreciated. They love with passion that is powerful, soulful, poetic and sensitive to the hidden aspects of life.

They can teach others to really enjoy being in love even if it doesn’t feel good. Their love is going to have an element of pain in it- always, but also healing for all the people who were not loved and accepted- and most of all they learn to love themselves with all their faults. As they are truly beautiful in their way of loving even the broken things that can e made whole again. They see the broken parts in other people but they paint them with a fire os passion and rebirth…So they transform the person they love and themselves forever.

Love your Venus: part 1

Note: If you have more than two planets in a sign or house then perhaps reading the Venus for that would be more accurate as well as the actual placement.

Venus is so important in your chart, I really can’t stress this enough. What is Venus in your chart?  You probably think about Venus as being the planet of love, beauty and money- and you are right. But in human development Venus is a little more than that. When you are born you are born as your Sun sign- you ego, your father and your true self. Your Moon is your home and mother, your nurturing and your emotional learning in childhood. Mercury is our skill set in later years- when you learn to speak and make connections with others that are called friendships.   All this is your base- what made you who you are very early in life. Venus is the love you are able to give and receive based on all the other experiences and connections you have had- because Venus rules your values  and they developed as a result of the nurturing from parents ,friends ,brothers sisters and the community and country at large. There are only 12 signs for your Venus to reside, so what makes your Venus your own is so much more:  The house and the aspects and the whole chart have to be taken into consideration. Nevertheless, here is a simple but true break down of Venus placements according to what makes you feel good and what can help you when you don’t feel love.

Venus in Aries:  Love needs to be open, based on honesty and without heavy restrictions. Your learned to give others affection and physical connection without limits. You are very warm and giving without thought and because of that you expect others to give the same in return. They may have called you selfish for wanting to get your own way, never realizing you are more than happy to return affection in return. Like a child you play with fire and you get burned, so you must learn that not everyone is worthy of you. You grow up and develop pride that hides behind it the hurt and burns of your past. To heal you must let go and open tis flood of passion to the world- your will suffer less being able to be yourself.

Venus in Taurus: Your love needs to be real, something that cannot be taken away from you. Empty promises force you to turn cold to others. You are fully capable of loving yourself as you are in the flesh- misgivings, shortcomings and sensual cravings. You can offer the same gift to others- not unconditional love but accepting love. You learned that your touch is healing magic, that friends run to you for sweet comfort and that the simple things in life can save a heart from breaking. You give your body and only then your soul and when you don you don’t know how to take it back. If you are forced to take your broken heart from another- you will feel empty and in return would try to fill up the space with sensual comfort. But yours is a loving nature and living without expressing it isn’t worth it at all for you true values are based on love.

Venus in Gemini: Your love is learned through mirroring others, if they were good mirrors in childhood then you would be the easy- going of them all, and if not then you will choose to go it alone.  In fact, you are easy going either way- just not happy. Your true need is that of a partner in crime, always someone to be there for you. That someone can be of any age, race or gender but they must treat you with acceptance.  Through them you will learn your gifts of fun and self-expression, until you are older. When you are older this need would turn into a passion and secret quest: to find your soulmate. At heart you are a romantic, and your soulmate is always right around the corner. To be happy you should not make promises you can’t keep. Don’t love those who ask that of you for that would be your defeat. Instead, live day by day, inventing your soulmate in your dreams and finding pieces of this ideal friend in your reality.

Venus in Cancer: Your love is endless; you have the true ability to lose yourself in the emotion of love. You only knew this type of love towards either in childhood or before you were born and either way it’s not a very secure knowing. Therefore, you feel secure in your emotions only when you give them to others- you can trust yourself but not others. Learning to receive caring and nurture from others is your early task. You may shy away from it in many ways, in private you wonder why love like yours cannot be found.  It can be of course. but only if you learn that you are strong. Stronger than others for you love is endless and can survive anything. In early adulthood you masked your emotions in order to get by perhaps by staying a child and not growing up, perhaps by growing up too fast. Your fear is all that is stopping you and once you let go- your ability to give and receive love is beyond compare.

Venus in Leo: Love is for those who are worth it, is what you have learned. One must win love before they have any entitlement for it. And so you made sure as a child that you are worth it, that you are the best- and only then were you allowed to enjoy others affection. For you love is always conditional and dangerous. Being loved unconditionally by someone who doesn’t recognize your worth, is the outmost of failures- you rather have no love at all. And so you develop your own fantasy:  where someone wins your heart. They must slay the dragon and kill the witch, and of course you are the prize.  When this does not happen, you are secretly sure this is your fault- that you are not good enough. If you only open your eyes you will see how everyone in your path is more than ready to slay the dragon- they just think they are not good enough for you.  Love is drama and song for you. Your greatest gift is turning the grayest of stories into a fairytale- by making anyone feel like they are the best.

Venus in Virgo: You don’t need much, just a little of that one very particular something, right? When you were young affection wasn’t given easily. Not that you weren’t loved but circumstances may have required various rules and limits on that affection. As you grew up you developed you system of right and wrong times to express love- probably as a reaction to you upbringing and sometimes in an opposite direction. If affection was cold, you may have no boundaries at all and if you were smothered then you set strict lines in your relationships.  As a result you allow yourself to express love through service or in a situation that has its own rules of the game: working relations, marriage and yes even affairs that have their own rules, don’t they?  For you to find true love and be happy you must respect your partner and the values they hold and you must know they need you.  You may fall into the trap of analyzing until all emotion is gone- for you must know it is the right time for you to open your heart and how will you know this if not through the mind?  But nevertheless you will keep to the rules, loyally giving more and more- even if no respect or love is received.  For you to be happy you must make your number one rule that of receiving it in return.

Venus in Libra: Love is about harmony. For you it is the space where balance is reached and conclusions stay in place. You are always in two places at once, trying to decide what road to choose next. Your heart loves everyone without reserve and yet you realize early on that this state of affairs isn’t ok with other people.  They ask you to choose; maybe it was your family maybe just life. You had to make a choice you could not make and so you never did.  You grew up, and made the easy choice- love what is beautiful for beautiful is always good. Beauty was the answer for the unbalance between mind, body and heart. Your hate of conflict meant you would seek where you belong- that group that would not require you to make difficult choices and that would be easily affectionate towards you.  As you grow up, this isn’t going to be enough. You will seek partners that challenge you, forcing you to develop a strong sense of individual identity. When that happens, you will find a partner in the true sense of the word. Someone who is amazing, who will join you according to your beliefs and goals in life, maybe an intellectual kind of love? For the best analogy for you kind is that ancient Greek idea where from physical love you learn to know the spiritual kind.

Venus in Scorpio: Your love isn’t open for all to see, only for the privileged.  When very young you were much protected, some sad truth was concealed from you. You learned that nothing is as it seems- including love. Being the way you are you promised yourself to protect others from the frightening emotions that you have, emotions born from the disclosure of the difficult truth, that same one that was concealed from you by your caregivers. Love in your heart wasn’t something you could express and so you let it grow within, becoming deeper and deeper- more complicated as the years went by.

By the time you grew up all you knew was that it wasn’t simple for you to become involved with people.  Nevertheless you wanted to protect and fight for them, your early romantic involvement may have been with someone weaker or in need of your help. That someone may not have been able to let you have your own weak spots and so it ended. You perceived this as betrayal and closed off your brave heart. You came into your power, not much later and learned that sex is your tool for expressing the depth, the void the need. And yet you wanted something pure and true, something that is based on deep trust that needs not words. Secret affaires are just a mockery of that, but it takes time to figure out.  I you do figure it out- yours if the kind of love where one is ready to die for the other.